How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
not ubering you a puppy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
