Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
