Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You smell like stripper and shame
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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