I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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