Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
