I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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