I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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