the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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