you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can I color on your dick again?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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