thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
