there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
