Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
