So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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