Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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