My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
