her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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