don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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