No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
