KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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