I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
