peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
