Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
