I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
