Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Me too!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
