I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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