wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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