i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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