Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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