i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
