So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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