3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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