I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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