I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
