made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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