my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
