I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish you could order shots online.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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