i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
