Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
