it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
