I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
