I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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