I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
