Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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