dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
