I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
