I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
