all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
