dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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