I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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