Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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