If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
