You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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